Category Archives: Author’s Corner

Finding Harlo Pt.2

While I have decided to embrace this new persona known as Harlo, I don’t expect my friends or anyone for that matter to address me as Harlo.. She is to me essentially what “Sasha Fierce” is to Beyoncé or what Chris Gaines is to Garth Brooks.. so I’m still me it’s just now I have this “Fabtabulous” alter ego. Will I flaunt this new personality? Of course I will and at every available opportunity!

So I’m gonna attempt to pick up where the previous post left off.. In the first sentence of the last paragraph of the previous post I referred to myself as being “born broken.” Shortly after I posted someone privately messaged me and asked that I elaborate. To that person I will say that an in-depth explanation will be in my new book “She Raised Me” coming this fall under my new pseudonym.. For now I will leave it as colorful wording; however I will share this. My ancestry and my upbringing conditioned me to believe that I was undeserving of complete happiness which caused me to question every euphoric moment; expecting it to be met with some sort equivalent misfortune. I could never accept true happiness under the premise that something bad was gonna happen.. Now I simply embrace those moments and if karmic absolution is the result then I want to be grateful for every moment that afforded me a moment of joy. And that me friend is what attracted me to Harlo.

Life and all of its nuances are filled with imperfections but that doesn’t equate to unhappiness. Harlo allows me to embrace, understand and accept those imperfections as simple aspects of life’s journey as opposed to my former enslaved mentality that believed nothing came without penalties. But in all honesty there is nothing that is to good to be true.

Finding Harlo allowed me a piece of mind that l never had before. I feel different when I embrace her. I even think different.. Does she affect the core of who I am? Absolutely but she hasn’t changed me just enhanced me. She represents the upgraded version of my former self. As she evolves so will I or vice versa.

I assure you that you will see the name again in all of its rarity.. It captures your attention doesn’t it?

Hi I’m Harlo Hendrix -Certified Game Changer


Finding Harlo

I’m sure the title of this post will one day serve as a book title but for today I hope it serves it’s purpose. If you follow me on social media personally and professionally you may have noticed some changes. I am specifically referring to the pseudonym “Harlo Hendrix”..

Let me start by asking “Isn’t that a cool fucking name?” It absolutely means nothing to me aside from the fact I feel a little tingly and silly when I say it. It’s a rock stars name and ‘ya know’ in some other universe, dimension and time I AM A FUCKING ROCKSTAR.

Why the new pseudonym you ask? I mean my name in general is pretty cool no matter how you arrange it… (so thanks mom and dad for that?) But there is something about the name Harlo.

I did a little digging just to see if the name had any real significance aside from the definition being “army hill.” Ah, doesn’t make the name necessarily more appealing but what I did like was the appeal of its association.. Harlo is associated with being universal and unisex. Uniquely without definition and not very popular to say the least..Well if I’m being modest it was definitively the perfect name for me.

The real purpose of this post was to explain “why” and not necessarily “what”. Well truthfully, I hit my bottom. Funny how that is a phrase normally associated with some sort of addiction or vice. I’m not sure this would be applicable to me but I had genuinely hit my emotional bottom. I was drained. I had convinced myself that I was in full on “midlife crisis” mode. BTW, I hate that term.. Why isn’t it called “midlife breakthrough” or “midlife blessing”‘ or something that promotes a positive transition into a profound wisdom and confidence. Okay, let me get back on track.

As I was saying, I hit an emotional bottom. I had come to terms with so many things in my life that contributed to the overthinking, over reacting, imaginatively insecure being who trusted absolutely no one. I spent a lifetime craving acceptance until one day I felt completely void. I was null. Right in the middle of a dualistic fit combined with intense pain and hilarity, I just stopped giving a fuck.. And I don’t mean it in a disrespectful sort of asshole kind of way but I just genuinely did not care. In a brief moment of declared insanity I finally let go of shit I had no control over and took control of what I could. If I’m not being dramatic it really was the death of who I was and the birth of Harlo..

Harlo is almost (and I use that cautiously) the exact opposite of who I was and everything I want and need to be. I wasn’t looking to reinvent myself it just sort of happened that way. Harlo trusts the universe, she trusts others that she is intuitively connected to and most importantly she trusts’s sort of creepy to refer to myself in 3rd person but she is definitely a new entity that I’m still learning to identify with.

I was born broken and spent a lifetime trying to insert the missing pieces lost in my innocence. I was never going to be whole until I stopped looking for those pieces and/or stopped looking for things, people and projects to fill that emptiness.

Well I’ve grown a bit tired.. check out Part II of this entry tomorrow….

Why I Left Facebook…

So let me just start by saying social media is a huge distraction in itself no matter which app you use. And I like most of you, use them all. I have Twitter, Instagram Snap Chat and a few other irreleverent apps but it was Facebook that seemed to be my biggest distraction. I was anxious to see the goings on of my family, friends, old classmates and a few engaging strangers. I was even very eager to share events, projects, encounters and POV’s. I enjoyed being celebratory of those who were most like me. Facebook is the curator of that popularity once craved in adolescence. I honestly enjoyed that essence of transparency Facebook afforded me but there is an invasiveness that creates an aura of paranoia and uneasiness when you submit to such openness. Despite all of those charming characteristics, they are not the initial reason I resolved to deactivate my Facebook account. It was that stupid “your memories” option that caused me the most discomfort. You see nothing is more telling of your progress or lack there of than that shit. So I noticed that with all my good intentions and efforts I was just in a repetitive cycle of bullshit ambitions. A hamster wheel (if you will) of repeat memes, videos, links and even similar (or exactly the same) sentiments.

Although I had some new and even cultivating experiences, Facebook reminded me that my efforts were minuscule at best and that I had not moved stealthily enough to really make a significant impact on accomplishing my goals. I spent more time marketing than moving and goals require more movement; the final product (with extensive effort) will essentially market itself.

I don’t blame Facebook AT is indeed one of the most innovative products to emerge since the internet. It has united and reunited me with such like spirits and even past acquaintances that inspired a great feeling of nostalgia but it’s so easy to get caught up in the reflection of a pseudo-reality desperately trying to mirror what was real..

I can’t say that I am completely done with Facebook but for now I’m free from the commitment that once consumed more time than was necessary. In addition to being time consuming it didn’t even garner the support I’d hope for so my efforts were immensely fruitless. As it turns out I find myself most intriguing to strangers who are much more supportive than my circle of peers but that’s what makes social media so great.. it just turns out that (for me) that being unapologetic does not often require the level of transparency that I was exposing everyone to.

Au revoir pour le moment Facebook!

Fly Anxiety

Fly Anxiety is that feeling you get when you know he’s about to touch you..and you tell him “do whatever you want, baby I trust you.”

Fly Anxiety is that feeling you get when you know he’s on his grown man shit and it makes you wanna cry every time he hits

When your heartbeat flutters like the wings of a butterfly.. and you can’t wait to see him and your emotions are running high.. that shit is fly

It sneaks up on you like that the blunted purple haze and if your not careful it will catch you in a daze..

When the first thing you say is “I want you…inside of of me” …. You know that you’re suffering from FLY Anxiety

NYE 2017 48:94

What a crazy fucking year to say the very least but I won’t because it’s a blog where I am inclined to say the most. I’ll start with Trump.. I mean, who saw that shit coming? Not only did it make me question the sanity of this country but I also had a few reservations about my own.. I blame 45 for EVERYTHING bad that happened in 2017 to anyone, anywhere..

On a less enraged note, this was truly a year of self discovery, self reflection and self love..more so than any other year.. I found myself in such a way that I don’t even recognize some of the aspects of my former self. One of the most valuable lessons I’ve learned is that loneliness will allow you to accept anything and LOVE will not allow you to accept anything less than “true.” While we all have our definitions of what’s “real”, I had to define and on occasion redefine what was real FOR ME! As I continue to embrace my “realness” I am still in the recovery phase of fixing (or attempting to) all that is broken, I am very excited for what 2018 has to offer..

I lost some friends this year either by choice or death, either way loss is always painful. I also decided to stop allowing misplaced loyalty to guide my intentions. I always knew that I was battling a series of dysfunctional elements in my life but I had no idea the long term and lingering affect it would have on me.. so I will begin 2018 by removing those elements.. it has been a lot easier to blog than do but essentially it’s done. And while I did lose some relationships there was one that was worth fighting for and will continue to fight for until the end of my days.. (“and that’s all I have to say about that”- Forest Gump

I learned that acceptance of self is the only necessary acceptance but it’s hard to remember that in the land of social media where our very internet existence relies on the acceptance of friends, family and complete strangers..FUCK Social Media and all of its hang ups.. and yet I simply can not pry myself away from this new age technology.. Oh the torture.. FYI if your reading this I am no longer on FaceBook but still very active on Instagram and occasionally Twitter (so follow me) as they seem the lesser of all social media evils..

I can go on for paragraphs regurgitating all of which occurred in 2017 but I will select to bury it in the time capsule of my past and move into the new year with an immense amount of love and positivity.. (#familyfirst).

So with this being my final blog of 2017, I’d hope to end it with a few words of inspiration but all I could come up with was “It was all TRUMPS fault.” Have a bless, safe and Happy New Year 🎊.. 2018 WILL BE TREMENDOUS!

Love Lessons: Lesson 1

This is a subject matter I have been wanting to cover for a long time but I really wasn’t sure how to address it.  In all of its simplicity, it is really one of the most complex topics I have ever dared to discuss.  Oh sure, I have blogged about, wrote about and poetically whined about it but I’ve never addressed the core of it.  So I had to sit back and really mentally decipher how I would present the content.  So this is what I came up with.

What is love? According to Merriam-Webster, there are several definitions of love and it really just depends on the context in which you use it but who wants to get that fucking technical.  In my book The EXperience Chronicles (available on Amazon), I referenced the definition of love as to “feel a deep romantic or sexual attachment to (someone).”   Love is also defined as “an intense feeling of deep affection” which could ultimately surpass any romantic or sexual desires.   Okay so now that we are all caught up on the technicalities of love, I want to break down some real shit.. So again I ask. WHAT IS LOVE?

We are not taught LOVE but we should be taught HOW TO LOVE.   If you ask someone how they know if they are in love, the would probably say something like “I just know” or “I just feel it” so love is an internal natural instinct that occurs without your control.  In those intense moments it feels like love.  Let me be clear in that I am not discussing familial, maternal or paternal love (that’s another Lesson) although they are significant in how we maintain romantic relationships.

2017 had me re-imagining and re-evaluating my relationships both past and present. I needed to understand my successes and my failures (the latter being the hardest to address).  I am sure my revelation is not an epiphany to most and may be in fact common sense but I concluded no one can tell you who to love but maybe you can be taught how.   Here is what I have learned and how I learned it.

So let me begin by saying that I have never had any qualms about being an only child from a broken home (if you will) until I realized how bad I was at relationships.  I, in my 40 plus years of life, can count on one hand (literally) how many times I have ever seen both of my parents in the same room at the same time (cordial or not).  Some will argue that they have never even seen their parents at all in the same room, well you will relate to this post more so than others.    The relationship I experienced with my parents would constitute today’s version of “Baby Mama/Baby Daddy” drama (something I have never desired to engage in).   Although I was used as a pawn on a variety of occasions for both financial and emotional manipulation, they did little to show me compassion, empathy and most importantly maturity when exhibiting healthy loving relationships. I often felt at times my mother was trying to replace my father although she would boastfully admit that was not her intention.  I never really saw my father engage in to many relationships. He kept me separate from his personal life and when he did share it, there was never a real display of affection that would allow me to think that it was anything more than platonic.

By the time both my parents found their version of love and remarried. I was knee-deep in failed relationships and already a baby’s mama. Now I don’t blame my parents as much as I understand them.  They gave me what they had albeit not a lot but the blind can not lead the blind. My expectations about love was romanticized by shit I saw on TV like The Cosby Show (at one point my only reference for #blacklove).  Most of the kids I grew up with in the Bay Area had two-parents who are either still together or upheld their vows (til death do us part).  My mother for quite sometime was the only single searching woman in her inner circle which often left her feeling vulnerable to vanity, misunderstandings and insecurity.  When she moved to Texas, I immediately noticed that her new buddies consisted of more single friends and less married ones.  Birds of feather.  My father kept it simple for me. Family, extended family and the occasional co-worker.

So my point is although love in its entirety is the most natural and wonderful thing in the world, you will ultimately fail at it without sufficient guidance and proper tools.  I mean love is like a really nice car.. sure it’s great to have but it serves no purposes if you don’t know how to drive it and then you have to ask yourself what are you driving it for?  Is it for the speed, the luxury or simply to get you from point A to point B or is it all?   There are those of us who don’t have a license and shouldn’t be driving at all. (LOL).

In the comparison of love relationshops and a fine automobile my parents were unlicensed and didn’t even bother to take the test; they simply stopped driving.  So as result I was taught how to bus, hitchhike and essentially Uber my way through relationships. Temporary fixes to a long-term desire.   For those of you that know me, you know that I have been riding in a luxury vehicle for quite sometime now. (I like the car analogy so I am going to roll with it).  Now my car is an early edition model which probably wasn’t ready for driving when I rode him of the showroom floor but over 13 years we have grown to accommodate each other.  He is like the Kitt to my Micheal Knight (Knight Rider reference for all  you old schoolers).  While I was able to tweak and enhance this model over the years and he was able to give me the best rides and great adventures. We both forgot to keep the maintenance up on the required components to keep him running and to keep me riding.  We both failed in the upkeep.

In the interim of things I would find myself looking at older models, thinking they would be more dependable and reliable when in actuality, the parts are harder to replace and the don’t get the same mileage (now you can use that in any pun-like fashion you would like)… and he would find himself entertaining new drivers thinking that cosmetic perks would be a distraction from my poor upkeep but let’s face it, Kitt ain’t shit without Michael Knight and vice versa.

Okay so when we stalled after 13 years, I had no previous experience to fallback on.  I didn’t know how to gauge my success (or my failure) in this. Now in the aspect of an ole regular ass car, I would have traded it in, cut my losses and moved on. But this is Kitt..MY Kitt and no one was like him. He can’t be traded in, he can’t be sold and I for damn sure wasn’t about to let someone else drive him after I got my great ass marks imprinted in him.  My resolve was to pick up a maintenance guide, call a skilled mechanic and get this shit fixed.  You’d be surprised what can happen when you tune up the engine, replace the breaks and top up the fluids and take him for a real long ride (several real long rides in fact).

While it seems that I am making light of a love, I am in fact hoping to share what I learned.  I have a Bachelors Degrees in Art and although I already had the basic instinct and natural skill, I still needed the training and knowledge to enhance and maintain those skills.   So while there is no book called “How to Love” (or maybe there is), I didn’t have access to it. Falling in love is so much easier that keeping “IN LOVE” so you can stay “IN LOVE”.  If you were lucky enough to begin love with a permit (loving married, parents, stable home environment, etc),  the basics, before you get your license, you are lucky but for those of us who took the exam with no preparation you will continue to fail until you read the book,  write the book or simply acknowledge that you need the book.  That’s it for today’s lesson in love.


Today was an odd color. What I mean is that it seemed a little hazy tinged with a little sepia if you will.. Almost nostalgic.. It’s funny how certain life events can take you back to a faint memory.

Last night there was a massacre on the Las Vegas strip. I had just gotten off work when I tuned in to what seemed to be happening live. Footage of crowds strategically being moved to a safer location.. My first thought was to message my friend Tanita who was visiting from Indiana.. I had assumed that the worse had been over but was awakened to a score of text messages, missed calls and tagged posts. I was flattered by the show of concern but then it struck me as I scrolled through the morning news .. I live in a city that just encountered a terrorist attack.. I shivered at the thought.. Then everything felt quiet.. I was in a city of mourning and I felt this exact same way on September 11, 2001..

October 1, 2017 will forever be engraved in my memory. The city that I live in and call home was subjected to a domestic terrorist with no clear answers or motives. A fear is instilled in human nature knowing that there are people with no compassion who at any moment could savagely react to the conditions around them. Horrifying!!

5 days into year 48 I was hoping to have something less heavy to blog about.. Now I’m just thankful for being able to share my thoughts.


So it’s shortly after midnight and Ive been 48 a whole day. it was actually a great day in all of it’s simplicity. A great lunch with a great man and a great evening with my son. Did I learn anything new today? I actually did. I learned that I am comfortable in my skin. I haven’t been for a long time. I recognize that I was vesseled into this life for a purpose and although I haven’t quite defined it yet I realize it is in its works.

I’ve learned not to be eager in accepting negativity although I’ve never embraced turmoil in general, there is a certain peace in knowing that things are so much deeper than its surface appearance. That is especially true in this new age world of social media. I have been reminded posts and text messages are not ways to share intimate details of your life although so many of us rely on it as our forum of self expression.

I’ve always thought I was unapologetically me but often found myself at the mercy of others. It’s so easy to say you don’t “give a fuck” and not give a fuck because you actually gave it a fuck by acknowledging the fuck you didn’t give. 😂😂 I just gave myself a chuckle.

So cheers to my first day of being #48fabnfearless

Time to start knocking some shit off my bucket list..

Eve of 48

I felt compelled to write this blog on the eve of my 48th birthday … uh… just because… I remember when I thought 48 was fucking old and yet oddly enough I feel renewed. It’s actually a pretty defining time in my life. I’ve learned some harsh lessons, made some rash decisions and it has helped me to further design the women I want to be.. I feel like I’ve lived so many lifetimes in this one I’ve been given. 48 just seems like an awesome time for renewal. I feel so blessed even in times of turmoil because I’ve simply accepted that there are things that I don’t have any control over and to be accountable for the things that I do.

All seems like common sense doesn’t?

I wish life was just that simple. I’ve missed out on so much of what life has to offer by being naive and ignorant. Not afraid nor ashamed to admit that. Although I have no regrets, I can admit to deservicing (not a real word btw) by not nurturing and embracing my talents. Now I feel like I can conquer all my challenges (except bungee jumping and extreme sports). I no longer feel as if I am entering a midlife crisis but more of a midlife crossroads.. I’ve been doing a pretty good job of “adulting” thus far so being a little more carefree will be such a welcomed change. I didn’t write this to bitch about turning 48. It’s a privilege and a blessing not granted to so many. Although 50 is the significant milestone, I’m gonna spend 48 doing some real shit..

Follow me on my journey of being 48, fly and fearless.

Unexpected Bliss…

Can be as simple as a shy smile or a gentle kiss..
It can start with the phrase “I was just thinking maybe…Or a subtle nickname like honey, sweetheart and baby. 

If it wasn’t for these feelings that I’ve been feeling for you for so long…I’d swear to God that what I feel for you should be wrong. 

But it’s okay, I’m alright..

I’ve been thinking about you every day and every night and very often in between….In between my everything….My mid day coffee break, my random thoughts, my day dreams, MY LEGS. 

You don’t have to ask and I ain’t to proud to beg.

I didn’t think you’d be here but I’m so glad you arrived. It’s been so long since I’ve felt this alive..

it seems like forever since I last felt like this.. Thank you for these moments of unexpected bliss.