Disclosure: I have always been careful about my self expression via my blogs or any other social media platform Careful not to be offensive, contradictory or overly personal but today I feel compelled to write about something that may violate that ethic completely.
Let’s begin. I titled this entry “Tragic” family which is not to be confused with a family in the midst of a “tragedy.” My definition of a “Tragic Family” is a family unit so immersed in dysfunction that it can not be unified or nurture a strong family bond. The dysfunction is built on lies, deception and secrecy lacking support and encouragement to navigate through life changing events that maybe beyond the normal concept of recovery.
A family member recently experienced an horrific family tragedy. A tragedy that may not be easy to recover from if at all. And the callous, unempathetic and unsympathetic way it was handled by family members was so painfully disheartening that it brought me to tears.
I have heard family members make remarks like “I may have my issues with _______ but if something happens I am there.”. My questions is what are you there for? Are you there to support? Are you there to judge? Or are you there to spread untruths and speculations? Because to me regardless of the circumstances surrounding the tragedy the only thing that matters that we come together as one unit to lend our support and prayers to strengthen the situation not weaken it.
This may not be the typical family dynamics. Maybe it is just my experience with MY family dynamics. Or is it that my idea of a strong family unit is romanticized by the images presented to me on TV, in books or in movies. Well they had to get those concepts from somewhere didn’t they? As an only child being a part of big family was not an experience I desired but definitely something I would not have opposed to. Maybe a brother or sister, older or younger, it really wouldn’t have mattered. I did maximize my extended family opportunities that afforded some friends that are just like siblings to me but it doesn’t diminish my desire to have a stronger bond with blood family members. A unity. if you will. A support system that is undeniable and built on a spiritual foundation.
I want a family that (if I am in need) will not just pray for me but pray with me. I want a family that does not take my past transgressions and hold it against me as none of us are perfect. And you better believe the person I am today will not be the same person tomorrow. I want a family that supports before they abandon me. I want a family that will relish in my achievements instead of wallow in my failures. To hear my voice would be welcoming instead of resented.
This post is not intended (by any means) to demean my family members that are those positive things and have been but in a Tragic family dynamics the drama seems to always outshine the positive. In a “Tragic” family dynamics you hear statements ,like “none of your business” or”I don’t need you.” “Tragic” family gatherings are overshadowed by the idea of potential drama. In a “tragic” family you often question who to call in a time of need or whether to contact any one at all. In a “tragic” family we sparingly reach out to each other over the holidays with a promise to keep in touch only to have years fade before we ever speak again. In a “tragic” family we love each other on Facebook but don’t like each other in the real world. TRAGIC isn’t it? In a “tragic” family, people be grudgingly hold on to the past.
Believe me it takes a lot of “tragic” minds to manifest the essence of a tragic family so the dysfunction is deeply rooted in the branches that hang from the family tree. Short of cutting that tree down the only way to escape it is to plant a new tree, so that you can grow some new branches nurtured with better family values. Acknowledge that old tree with respect because as it’s leaves began to wither and fade we can acquire the ingredients needed to fertilize the growth of the new tree making it stronger and better with a longer chance of survival or at least enough seeds to plant a better tree.
Any ways that’s my rant on my idea of the tragic family. As my own “tragic” family endures it’s tragedies protected by the branches of the old tree. I water my new tree with my tears of sorrow hoping that my family understands that our family will flourish in the midst of tragedy and not tragically flourish.