Okay I am going to try to keep this post brief. I don’t want to dwell on it but I felt it was something I needed to address. So I was compelled to write on this particular subject matter prior to the recent transgressions displayed against our brothers in Louisiana and Minnesota but I got a little distracted.
So, I was chatting with a friend about her new boo. I was excited that she mentioned she was dating someone new but as she begin to tell me about him I noticed she had nothing to say nice about him. Everything she stated was derogatory and negative. My initial response was to ask “Why the hell are messing with dude if he was all these things but instead I replied “well I am sure there must be something about him you like.” Anyway as the conversation continued I realized that this dude, perfect stranger to me, someone I had never met, was simple someone I had no interest in meeting. If I were to recognize him from the pictures she had shown me, I probably would not be the most friendly or the most welcoming to him all based on what his girlfriend told me. And then I asked myself is that what our black men deal with on daily? Their images are so tainted both internally and externally that the are fighting an uphill battle below sea level.
Now I am not saying the brothers are perfect. I’ve dated a few assholes and have suffered from “relationship remorse” but that is my internal situation. I don’t go bashing the last brother so that he is ruined for the next because let’s be real, what may not be good for you maybe exactly what the next women may need and vice versa.
I know, I know, you’re probably shaking your head and saying “some of these dudes are just trifling and need to be put on blast” and you are probably right AND there are extreme cases where abuse (physical, mental, emotional and sometimes even spiritual) is involved that you may need to tell someone about. However, if abuse is the case, then maybe you should be discussing your own issues and as to why you choose to continue an abusive relationship.
What I am getting at, is if you are with a man that is showing some genuine effort to be attentive, caring, supportive, etc and yet you find nothing good to say about him to others then why are you with him. No relationship is perfect but your relationship issues are just that YOUR relationship issues.
Now this should apply to all relationships but I find that in the case of LOVING OUR BLACK MEN we need to exercise a little more compassion with our words, a little more understanding of his burdens because society and it’s actions has shown no compassion or understanding for him. The same way we love our black sons even at their worst behavior we don’t systematically insult them or shame them to others. We need to apply that same logic to the men we are involved with, they are someone’s son too.
I wanted to elaborate a little more on this but I promised to keep it short. So stay tuned on a series of corresponding posts on this subject matter.
Next time I want to discuss “Baby Daddy/Mama Drama”
Our black men are targets let’s not be the one’s pointing out the bull’s eye.