You know sometimes it’s so frustrating when your heart is in the right place and your intentions are good and yet your efforts still just don’t seem to manifest the results that you want. Sometimes it’s just God telling you it’s not time and he is simple asking you to exercise your patience and efforts. This is a lesson I have had to learn. I have also learned to NEVER place expectations on man because often enough you will be disappointed in the results. So I am often so very moved by acts of humanity and kindness.
I have been so empathetic to what I now deem as just a national tragedy amidst a civil unrest that my eyes swell up with tears and sometimes I am not sure why. This is the hurt I have been feeling. I have grand moments of hope and then in those moments I have to reflect on how I even came to that moment. It’s a vicious circle I tell you. I want to log off and tune out. Dive into my art, my writing, my crafts and then I feel immense guilt for turning away when I feel like I should be doing or saying something. I don’t want to joke about it, I don’t want to make light of it and yet at the same time I just don’t want to talk about it.
I have so many thoughts, input and insight but then I have to worry if those same thoughts, input and insights will be offensive to others. In the mist of everything that has happened I have learned somethings about people I once considered friends and in turn made a lot of new one friends.
THIS JUST IN! SHOTS FIRED! Another police officer shot.. THIS JUST IN! SHOTS FIRED! Another unarmed black man has just been killed. THIS JUST IN! This just in. (sigh)
Some one said “don’t dwell on it.” How can I not dwell in a house I was forced to lived in my entire life and why would I abandon that same dwelling when it needs my upkeep and care the most.
2016 has been ROUGH on a girls spirit let me tell you.