I am no stranger to the Cougar/Cub relationship. In fact, my cub has matured into a masterful beast of masculine integrity and we are moving lovingly into our 11th year together. I am not sure if it was Steve Harvey or Michael Baisden that said “after 5 years he ain’t no damn cub no more at least he better not be.” LOL…Let me clarify though that the intentional “Cougar/Cub” relationship is not expected to be long term. It is usual founded on a basic need for temporary companionship or viral sexual urges. Anything other than that is simply a relationship irregardless of the age difference. Cougaring has definite intent.
In this rant I am gonna just trivialize some Cougar/Cub relationships that seemed to garnish unwarranted media attention but still made me go “OOUUUU” with a little nausea on the tip of my tongue. So it is probably more like “eewww” instead.. J/K..
I have my top 5.. so here it goes..
5. Vivica Fox
She is HOT.. I mean dammit when I am in my get fit mode it is her body that I place my cut-out head on. Cougaring is not really a challenge for her it is more of a “gimme.” But as Bone Thugs would say “gimme got, got” (yeah that really had nothing to do with nothing just seemed like a fit.) So it’s not that I am hating on her “cougaring” abilities it is her cub selection that place her on the list. Now when she dated Fiddy aka 50 cents, it was a bit inspiring and they looked good together. I was a little sad when they broke up. Then she got with this cat Omar White… not that he wasn’t a “Cub Cutie,” but like I said early cougaring is not a long-term emotional investment, so Vivica’s desire to be wifed up by these young cats without allowing them the time to get off their momma’s tit is probably the primary reason for failure. And not to mention that I heard she was a bit of a loon..
4. Jennifer Lopez
Now I have never and I mean NEVER contended or pretended to be a big J-Lo fan. I can’t necessarily say I dislike her because “El Cantante” and “Selena” are two of my favorite movies. But when she left her sexy Puerto Rican papi Mark Anthony for her back up dancer I was like “ouuuuuu, that chic is crazy.” Casper should have gotten ghost (yes, pun intended) long before they broke up. Jennifer has confessed that she is a hopeless romantic which is the reason she seems to keep starring in these lackluster roles in her love life. She needs to just cuddle up with a good romantic novel.
3. Susan Sarandon
Love her for all the right reasons. She is an amazing actress. I can’t name a movie that she was in that I didn’t love but let’s face it she has always had a kind of elderly like appeal. Not in a bad way of course but she is definitely more of a matriarch-looking woman who would seem more suited with a man of more refinement and experience. It just goes to show that you can’t judge a book by its cover because when I found out that this damn near 70-year-old was dating, I mean in love with a man 31 years younger than she was.. I was like “ouuuuu” you go girl….but 31 years seems more like a generational gap as opposed to an age difference.
2. The great Madge aka Madonna
I want to say that of all the cougars in the world of entertainment Madonna has got the art of cougaring down to a science. She doesn’t invest a lot of time in nurturing these relationships it seems.. I know 3 years to date a man young enough to be your son (possibly grandson) seems like a long time in real world years but I would imagine in Madonna years it would seem more like 3 months considering her celebrity status. I know Madonna has a pretty young and viral spirit and dammit she is Madonna but seriously what kind of conversation can a damn near 60-year-old and a barely legal hot model have to talk about. NOTHING … which is why I say “ouuuuu” I know what they spend their time doing. I mean this new guy she is seeing Timor Steffens seems more like a “honey don’t talk, just stand there and be pretty” type of fellow anyway.
- 1. Kris Jenner (Kardishian)
I have constantly said that Kris Jenner is the devil. She will suck out the souls of her children for the fame.. but that is a whole other rant. Kris has never hidden the fact that Kim is her favorite daughter nor has she hidden the fact that she secretly wants to be like Kim or be Kim.. so it wasn’t a big surprise that following her public separation from long time husband Bruce Jenner that Satan, I mean Kris, would decide to test the “cougar” waters when she went public with her cub Corey Gamble that is a cool 33 to her 60. Now there is nothing wrong with that except that this dude looks like a montage of every black dude Kim has ever dated. Could she be anymore painfully obvious. It’s kind of sick and distorted if you ask me. It almost doesn’t even seem genuine in terms of her choice of cubbing but a blatant effort to emphasis her desire to experience the Mandingo legend her daughter has managed to master. With that being said, I’ll be damned if this broad releases a sex tape. I shiver with disgust at the very thought.. so my “ouuuuu” is less like an “ewwww” and more like an “ughhhh.”